“Develop success from failures. Discouragement and failure are two of the surest stepping stones to success.” ― Dale Carnegie
There are a lot of quotes mentioning that success is achieved when we have the courage to learn from our failures and keep moving forward. However, when we are in the middle of it, our emotions often take over and it is tough to see the positive that will result from the current situation. So, how to handle failure and setbacks?
As always, the point of view that will be shared in the present article will be from a leadership perspective, meaning when you face failure and setbacks as the leader of a team. A smaller discussion will be covered at the end of the article about professional challenges.
Own It
The first thing that comes to my mind when talking about failure and setbacks is for you to own it. This means that you need to face the consequences of the event and understand what led you to this outcome.
Most of the time, our first reflex is to find excuses:
- Others might have caused the issue
- You did not intend for the failure to occur
- You had good intentions
- The team did not have enough time to complete the project
- You are missing employees in key positions
It does not matter why it happened, it happened. Live with it and move on
The worst thing you can do is blaming others when you are the leader of a group. It is the fastest way to lose the trust of your group and ensure multiple failures.
Yes, it is your responsibility to make sure that it does not happen again.
Yes, you will have conversations with the concerned parties to investigate the failure.
Yes, people will point the finger at you
Yes, your bosses will not be happy about the situation.
Yes, it might be unfair
But, again, it is the role of a leader or a manager. To thrive, your team members need to know that you will find solutions to lead them to success.
Will you have to do this by yourself?
Of course no, but you are the leader.
You have to take decisions
You have to choose a path to follow even if the road map is incomplete.
Your group is leaning on you to guide them and protect them.
Remember that nobody is perfect and the only people that do not fail are people that do not try.
Now that you have faced the music, you have told your group that this failure is on you and you have a good idea how to avoid the situation from happening again, it is time to take a few minutes/hours (depending on the gravity of the situation) to look in the mirror and see where you messed up.
Because, without a doubt, there are actions that you could have taken to limit or eliminate the situation.
It is scary, though, to look into the mirror.
Not because of the few pounds that are stuck in your belly or wrinkles in your face.
But because you have to really dig deep within you and reflect on the situation, without biases, to figure out:
- How did I handle it?
- What was the impact on my leadership?
- What did I miss?
- What actions could I have taken to improve or eliminate the situation?
- Do I need help?
- What did I learn?
- About my team
- About myself
Nobody likes to look in the mirror because we tend to focus on all our flaws. I would suggest seeing it as a moment to reflect, quietly by yourself.
This will help you have a clearer vision of the situation and eliminate outside noise that can negatively impact your reaction to this failure.
Remember, you’ve got this.
Eventually, it will be ancient history and, as Dale Carnegie mentioned, a stepping stone to reaching your goal to achieve success.
Learn from it
Once you own it, now you have to learn from this failure or setback.
Your team and your bosses will understand that these situations happen and that the only things that are perfect are intentions. You still have their trust and they will help you (hopefully) getting past this and back on the right track.
However, they may not have the same reaction if the situation is not resolved or occurs a second time. This is why you will need to investigate the issue, find the root cause and the proper solutions to resolve it.
Do not be afraid to involve members of your team to have multiple feedback and the best solutions. You have to decide the road to follow as the driver, this does not mean that you are by yourself in the car. There is a good chance that somebody knows a better way to reach the destination or a shortcut that can be taken.
Involving others ensures more people are reflecting to find the best solutions and it shows your team members that you value their knowledge and thought processes. It also increases the chance for them to be more engaged in what you are trying to build which will increase cooperation, initiative, ownership and productivity.
Make sure that you document the situation to help others avoid it and communicate your findings with your team. Transparency is always a good decision.
Sharing this knowledge with other members of your organization will ensure that this does not happen again and it will promote open communication between groups.
Not only about successes but also about mistakes and the impact it had on the final result.
Do not fear being vulnerable in front of your team or others and talk about failures or setbacks.
Mistakes are just evidence that you are trying.
Status quo is safe and there are fewer chances to fail, but progress and long-term success comes to those who dare to innovate and try new approaches.
If you always did it the same way, chances are that you are doing it wrong.
Wrong might not be the most accurate word because it does work.
But is it the best way to perform the task?
With these new ways to perform tasks, it is inevitable to fail sometimes.
Be at peace with it, learn from it and grow…
Control your emotions
Maybe this should have been the first advice to be given.
To be honest, since I believe this advice as the basic reaction you should always have as a leader, I tend to assume that it is common knowledge.
However, with the number of managers I saw lose their cool when failure or setbacks occurred, it is safe to say that a lot of us still struggle with this.
A leader in control limits the possibilities of panic within your team and loss of focus. When we become emotional, we do not think clearly which makes it very hard to make the right decision. We may also say things we will regret or that are more assumptions than truths.
Again, you work so hard to build trust from your team members. It only takes a wrong approach, a wrong word, a bad decision to destroy all that hard work.
Breathe, breathe, breathe
If you need a moment to calm yourself:
- Do not to show your frustration,
- Step aside for a moment,
- Gather your thoughts
- Find the best approach to come back to the group
This method will ensure that you are in the right state of mind when you face your team and limit the immediate negative impact of the event.
A special attention needs to be given to your non-verbal communication.
In stressful situations, since we are not always aware of our actions and movements, our body could play tricks on us and show the level of emotion that flows through us without us knowing about it.
To enable you to better react in these situations in the long run, you could ask for feedback to know how your reaction was perceived by your team. This will allow you to pay more attention to these details when the next event occurs.
What if the failure or setback hits closer to home?
As mentioned at the beginning of the article, the reactions listed above are to be followed for failure or setbacks that happen to you and your team when you are leading them.
What if the failure is affecting your credibility as a manager and you lose your position?
How do we deal with this?
In these situations, for sure, it could bring up a lot of negative emotions
- Lack of understanding,
- Frustration,
- Sadness,
- Insecurity,
- Shamefulness
- Pain
You can try to negotiate and explain why you should keep your job. The only problem is that the decision was taken and there are not a lot of chances for this method to work.
Most important thing again is to stay calm
It may feel personal and in some cases it might be, but most of the time it is a business decision taken by the decision group and believed to be the best course of actions to ensure the success of the organization long term.
Business is business
The higher you get in the food chain, the least job security you have. It is a tough truth but nevertheless the truth.
When you receive the bad news, ask for an explanation and then, even though it is painful, use the next few minutes to try to receive some feedback.
What did you do well?
What should you work on?
What needs to be eliminated?
Even if you feel backstabbed and that the decision is unfair (for lack of a better word😀), do not burn bridges (destroy the professional bond) and stay polite. The world is a small place and keeping your cool will go a long way.
Then, you will have to let the dust settle and reflect on what can be learned from the situation to avoid it from happening again.
There is nothing you can do to change the past so, when you are ready, focus on the future.
When you get back on the horse and are looking for a new opportunity, briefly explain the situation and focus on the positive things that happened at your last position and what you learned from this event.
Stay positive and never talk negatively about anybody. It looks weak and useless. Not the way you want to be perceived.
As was mentioned earlier, all these experiences and bumps in the road are challenges that will make you a better person, a better manager and will get you closer to success.
Need help improving your leadership skills or building a culture of caring leadership? Do not hesitate to contact me. I will be happy to listen to you and provide you with the tools you need for the future.
Always remember: how does your mood impact your performance and overall attitude? Imagine if all your employees or collaborators were happy…
Carl-Michael Tessier
Coach in high-performance team development and tailor-made support
PS: If you would like suggestions how to better connect with your employees, read my free guide:
5 Must-Ask Questions for Happy Teams.
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