“We all need people who will give us feedback. That’s how we improve” – Bill Gates
“Criticism, like rain, should be gentle enough to nourish a man’s growth without destroying his roots” – Frank A. Clark
It is this time of the year. You are feeling overwhelmed with stress and anxiety. You are meeting your boss in the next few minutes. It is your yearly evaluation. You are sweating like crazy but you want to look composed. You believe that you performed your tasks properly. What if you did not? What will your boss tell you during the evaluation? Your mind starts to build scenarios, some positive but most negative. You remember that you do not control what your boss will say but you control how you handle feedback and criticism.
Does this look familiar to you?
Have you ever felt this way going to your yearly evaluation?
Yearly evaluations are stressful
It is totally normal to feel stressful moments before your yearly evaluation. In these moments, you know that the good and the bad will be discussed. Praises are fun to receive but criticism and negative feedback, not so much. Our ego is damaged, we feel exposed and vulnerable, we are disappointed that we did not perform to the level of the expectations of our boss.
We forget the purpose of these evaluations: to tell you where you stand, what you are good at and what needs to be improved.
Nobody is perfect!
That being said, nobody should expect perfection.
If this is the case and your boss is picking on every little thing you did not perform at the expected level, you need to reevaluate if this is the right place and position for you and your wellbeing.
One thing I was told before being a manager from one of my friends that used to be my boss:
A yearly evaluation should never be a surprise.
If you are transparent with your team members about expectations, progression, and deal with the situation as soon as the employee drifts from the normal course, they should know exactly where they stand at all times.
The yearly evaluation, in this situation, serves only to set goals for improvement for the next year, reinforce what your team members are good at and inform them of the increase in salary.
It is not the place to be blindsided by something new, never discussed. This would lead to a loss of trust and motivation. It would be unfair.
Things to do if you are being evaluated
If these elements are respected, if you are being evaluated, go in with an open-minded and remember that the conversation will be about the perception of your boss that might be true or missing some information. These conversations are not one-sided so you have the opportunity to discuss and explain your point of view, hopefully.
Stay calm even if you are hurt from a comment and if you disagree, ask for some clarifications and examples. Your boss might be wrong. However, do not insist on defending yourself. Mention your point of view, see the reaction and move on. You should have a section at the end of the document where you can add your comments prior to signing the document. Use it to respectfully disagree if this is the case.
Never get personal, this is business!
The way you handle the feedback and criticism in these instances will be discussed amongst the management group if you apply for a leadership position someday. As mentioned earlier, nobody likes to receive negative feedback or criticism. It adds stress which is a daily visitor when you manage a group. Your reaction will be a hint how you can handle pressure, stress and difficult conversations.
If you are not capable of handling a difficult conversation with your boss, what will you do with your employees when it is the time to correct a behaviour, apply a disciplinary action or fire them.
Everything is a test!
Take the initiative
Since you know the impact that these evaluations could have on your career, I would suggest being proactive and get more control over it.
Being autonomous and not having your boss always breathing in your ear while you work is fun and peaceful. This person will have to give you an evaluation so, in a perfect world, he or she should have discussions with you at a certain interval. These discussions will allow feedback and questions about the way you perform your tasks. An open discussion with your boss throughout the year is the best way not to be surprised at your yearly evaluation.
Normally, it is your boss’s responsibility to engage in these discussions and take notes for the evaluation with dates and details on the event.
Not all bosses will do so.
The yearly evaluation is not theirs, it is yours.
Take the lead and create an opportunity to get feedback.
It will look very professional and will help you correct behaviour before the evaluation. In addition, taking initiatives always helps down the road to receive a promotion.
Is it true?
Another thing that is very important about feedback and criticism:
It might be false.
Depending on the trust, you put in the source of the comment, you do not have to accept it.
If you despise the person who mentioned it, why should you consider it?
From personal experience, my way of dealing with negative feedback and criticism is to:
- Listen and stay calm
- Reflect on the comment and if it applies to me, in full or partially.
- Respond if useful
- Change my behaviour if I decide that the comment was accurate.
There are multiple occasions where my conclusion was:
No, I disagree so I will not waste time responding and I will stay the course.
If you are not sure, you can ask a trustworthy person about the comment to know their opinion.
If you are the one giving the feedback
Lastly, and this is really important for anybody to give feedback to an individual. If it is positive, it is OK to mention it in front of a group. It will boost the other person’s self esteem. If it is negative, it should be done one-on-one away from the floor and the colleagues.
Negative feedback and criticism need to be used, at the right moment and the right place, to let somebody know that you are not satisfied. It will show your team members that they are accountable for their actions and that you do not accept this behaviour or habit. However, you do not need to humiliate this person in front of the group. Pointing them out in front of others is humiliating.
How would you react if somebody did that to you?
It is the same feeling for everybody.
Respect is essential to build trust. Clarifying the situation one-one-one shows respect.
An example from my history
I once applied for a new position. When I met the manager who would be my boss, I saw the note on the desk which mentioned the name of the person who got the job (not me). So, before this person confirmed the bad news to me, I mentioned that I saw the note and that I understood that I did not get the position.
To this day, I still do not understand what I said that was so insulting. But this person was furious and used abusive language to put me back at my place for an hour. I was trying to understand what I did wrong and I was staying calm but it kept on going relentlessly. I did not know if I could leave so I stayed there. When this hell was finished, I tried one last time to clear the air without success.
I was devastated and did not understand if this opinion was shared by the other members of the management group. I did not know if I needed to find a new job.
This person was 100% wrong.
I asked to talk to the boss of this person. I took the time to write down everything that led to this mayhem including the things I could have done wrong (without knowing I could have started it).
I wrote 5 pages.
He was surprised because the company believed in my potential and the manager, who insulted me, received the directive to tell me that even though I did not get the job, that I need to keep working hard and eventually I would have another opportunity.
A total failure.
I told him what this person did and the impact it had on me.
No more respect ever.
I would be professional and work with this person.
I would not humiliate this person
But I never ever wanted to work for this person under any circumstances.
This may seem like an extreme situation but sadly it happens.
If I had started yelling and defending myself with the same language, I would have gotten into a lot of problems. I used to be arrogant and mean when I was a teenager so there are no limits to what I could have said.
Remember: Nobody really wins an argument.
By staying calm during the event, I showed composure and respect.
The person at fault was met with.
On my side, a few weeks after these events, I received a promotion to be in charge of a whole department.
Again, the one thing to focus on that will help you handle feedback and criticism:
STAY CALM
Discover the 5 Must-Ask Questions for Happy Teams
Do you want to better understand what motivates your team members and could help you create a happy team? My practical guide, 5 Must-Ask Questions for Happy Teams, is designed to provide you with simple and effective tools to:
- Create a climate of trust within your team
- Identify the true needs and aspirations of your employees
- Encourage meaningful conversations that foster collaboration
- Boost engagement and collective performance
- Anticipate and resolve challenges before they become obstacles
Carl-Michael Tessier
Coach in high-performance team development and tailor-made support
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