“It takes three years to learn to speak, and a lifetime to learn to listen” Confusius
Active listening to understand the needs of others
This quote from Confucius expresses a sad reality: we love to express ourselves and we consider it a fundamental right. It is true that freedom of expression is a right of all, but for our words to have an impact, there must be people who listen to our points, analyze our thinking and arguments to make the best possible decision. This is often the point that is lacking.
By definition, active listening is a communication technique that involves using questioning and rephrasing to ensure that you have fully understood the other person’s message.
In all honesty, it took me over 30 years to understand the importance of listening. Being a pure extrovert who likes to be the center of attention, I had a lot of difficulty sharing the stage. When I was talking with my colleagues or friends, if I wasn’t speaking, I would impatiently wait for the other person to finish their point so I could speak again.
I also often interrupted someone to ensure I had a chance to make my point. My big problem was that when I wanted to speak again, I would stop listening and focus only on the next opening. When it came, what I was waiting to say was no longer relevant or had potentially already been said during the time I was no longer listening.
Not the best way to position yourself as a good leader…
It was only when I attended a seminar where lack of listening was exposed as a pervasive problem in organizations that I realized I was guilty of this practice.
Plus it was a situation that exposed my lack of listening. Recognition of this habit was the first step towards learning active listening.
Developing active listening
To develop active listening, a leader must start by identifying a place and times that allow for good exchanges with employees or colleagues. For example, a production line where there are many employees, noise and distractions is not conducive to active listening.
It would be best to favor your desk or an area away from the action, turn off your phone and let the other person know that they have your full attention. A convenient time is a period of time that is sufficient to not interrupt the conversation. The leader can and should agree on a set period of time for the discussion.
Empathetic listening: a key to harmonious relationships
A great strength of leaders is empathy, which is the ability to put yourself in the position experienced by your interlocutor, which allows you to better understand the decisions made and the consequences. It is important to do all this while keeping control over your emotions in order to avoid an emotional spiral on both your part and your interlocutor.
Listening in Action: Techniques for Understanding Others’ Needs
When you are in a listening position, it is equally important to limit your interventions to open-ended questions to clarify the situation and to rephrasing what has been said to ensure that you have understood correctly.
An often overlooked element is the power of silences to allow your interlocutor to catch their breath and continue their presentation without interruption. You may be tempted to speak during these silences, but if you can contain yourself, you will be surprised by the depth of the message you can achieve and the positive impact on your relationship of trust.
It is important to adopt a supportive posture by refraining from judgments or criticism in order to indicate to your interlocutor that he can express himself freely without fear of being judged. Also keep in mind that a good part of our communication is not vocal, but goes through non-verbal signals: facial expression, body language as well as tone of voice. To optimize the final result, it would be good for you to take the time to pay attention to it.
The Art of Listening: Understanding and Responding to the Needs of Others
The last essential element to become an expert in active listening is to advocate patience to give the other person time to formulate their thoughts and express themselves without interruption. This is not a performance exercise and the result depends on your ability to remain in your posture of support and listening.
As you can see, there are several elements to put in place to develop your active listening. Try to work on one principle at a time and don’t hesitate to ask for feedback from those around you following an intervention (not instantly in emotional situations) to understand the elements you need to work on. Since everyone is different, this will also allow you to identify the best approaches to take depending on the different personality types.
Also be patient with yourself, because as Confucius said, it takes a lifetime to master listening. If you started working on this element today, you are already ahead of the majority of people. Congratulations on your initiative and dedication!
Resources
There are several articles, books and courses available to help you develop your active listening.
For my part, I took a course to become a professional coach (not a life coach 😊, because some people mix between the two). The goal was to add tools to my toolbox to improve the support I want to provide to managers or organizations that use my services.
As for me, coaching will not become my main activity, but this training has greatly changed my vision of the support and listening mandate. It has allowed me to let go of my perception that the result of my interventions depended on my performance.
As a coach/mentor/supervisor/leader, your role is to support the members of your teams and establish a bond of trust allowing them to develop and help the team to improve its performance.
At the beginning of this article, I mentioned my starting point regarding active listening.
What is the situation today?
I continue to work on my active listening with those around me, taking care to analyze the relevance of my interventions. I have improved my ability to remain silent when my comments are not necessary.
It’s hard and I always feel the need to take back control of conversations, but an extraordinary phenomenon occurs when we listen actively: the level of trust increases, the person feels valued and important which allows them to open up more. In a professional situation, this increases their commitment, their creativity and the impact that this person can have on the performance of their team.
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Need help improving your leadership skills or building a culture of compassionate leadership? Feel free to contact me.
I will be happy to listen to you and provide you with the tools you need to improve your leadership.
Never forget: how does your mood impact your performance and overall attitude? Imagine if all your employees or co-workers were happy…
Carl-Michael Tessier, Manager and Team Leader
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