Everyone talks, but few truly listen.
“It takes three years to learn to speak and a lifetime to learn to listen.” – Confucius
This quote from Confucius highlights a sad reality: we love to express ourselves and consider it a fundamental right. While freedom of speech is indeed a right for all, for our words to have an impact, there must be people who truly listen, analyze our reasoning, and evaluate our arguments to make the best possible decisions. Unfortunately, this is often where things fall apart.
To be completely transparent, it took me more than 30 years to understand the importance of listening. As a true extrovert who loved being the center of attention, I struggled to share the stage. When I spoke with colleagues or friends, if I wasn’t the one talking, I was impatiently waiting for them to finish so I could jump back in.
I often interrupted others just to ensure I had the chance to make my point. My biggest problem was that, when I was waiting for my turn to speak, I stopped listening altogether and focused only on the next opportunity to jump in. When that moment finally arrived, what I had planned to say was often no longer relevant or had already been mentioned while I wasn’t paying attention.
Not exactly the best way to establish myself as a strong leader…
It wasn’t until I attended a seminar, where the lack of listening was exposed as a widespread issue that hinders healthy communication in organizations, that I realized I was guilty of this very habit.
And this issue—poor listening—is just the first barrier to developing true active listening.
Developing Listening and Presence
To develop effective listening and presence, a leader must start by identifying suitable locations and moments that foster meaningful exchanges with employees or colleagues. For instance, a production line with many employees, loud noises, and constant distractions is not an ideal setting for active listening. In such environments, merely following the conversation demands all of one’s concentration.
A better approach is to conduct discussions in your office or a quiet area away from the action, ensuring that you will not be disturbed and that your conversation partner has your full attention.
Super important: Turn off your phone and keep it out of sight—don’t place it on the desk or anywhere visible to your conversation partner. Even if you intend not to look at it during the discussion, its mere presence signals that the conversation could be interrupted at any moment.
Trust me, you can survive a few minutes without your phone in your field of vision!
If it is impossible to meet with a team member and give them your undivided attention, it is better to schedule another time when you can have a focused discussion.
Active Listening: Techniques for Fully Understanding Others’ Needs
Active listening is a communication technique that involves primarily using open-ended questions and paraphrasing to ensure the speaker’s message is fully understood. It starts with listening and being present, as mentioned in the previous section. However, this approach enhances interactions by deepening the conversation to fully grasp the other person’s intent and needs.
One often-overlooked element is the power of silence, which allows your conversation partner to pause, breathe, and continue speaking without interruption. You may feel tempted to fill these silences, but if you manage to hold back, you will be surprised by the depth of discussion you can reach and the positive impact on building trust in your relationship.
It is essential to adopt a supportive stance by refraining from judgment or criticism, signaling to your conversation partner that they can express themselves freely without fear of being judged. Keep in mind that a significant portion of our communication is non-verbal, conveyed through facial expressions, body language, and tone of voice. To optimize the outcome, it is worthwhile to pay close attention to these cues.
The Art of Listening: Understanding and Responding to Others’ Needs
The final key element to mastering active listening is embracing patience, allowing the other person time to formulate their thoughts and express themselves without interruption. This is not a performance exercise—the outcome depends on your ability to remain in a supportive and attentive stance.
As you can see, developing active listening requires implementing several elements. Focus on improving one principle at a time, and don’t hesitate to seek feedback from those around you after an interaction (not necessarily immediately in emotional situations) to understand areas for improvement. Since everyone is different, this approach will also help you identify the best ways to engage with various personality types.
Be patient with yourself, too—after all, as Confucius said, mastering the art of listening takes a lifetime. If you’ve started working on this today, you’re already ahead of most people. Congratulations on your initiative and dedication!
Why is active listening an important quality for a leader?
A leader who actively listens to their team members creates a culture of cooperation, support, and trust.
Here are some benefits of active listening:
- Strengthening trust and engagement
- Improving decision-making
- Resolving conflicts and fostering collaboration
- Encouraging innovation and creativity
- Leading by example and inspiring the team
Strengthening Trust and Engagement
A manager who practices active listening positions themselves as a support system for their team. They create space for employees to express themselves fully and without judgment, allowing them to contribute to strategic discussions and identify best practices for completing assigned tasks.
This approach significantly impacts employees’ sense of importance and contribution. Feeling heard and knowing that one’s opinions and perspectives are considered before making major decisions enhances team engagement. Employees will understand that the team’s collective success stems from each individual’s contributions.
Using open-ended questions and paraphrasing during active listening fosters authenticity in conversations. This enables managers to understand employees’ needs, ensuring they receive the tools, information, skills, and support necessary to grow and help the team achieve organizational goals.
This openness and willingness to serve others through active listening will strengthen the trust that team members place in their manager.
Improving Decision-Making
The goal of any leader or manager is to make the best possible decisions.
Though our ego may resist admitting it, we do not know everything. The sooner we accept this reality, the sooner we recognize the wealth of knowledge within our teams.
And employees are just waiting for the opportunity to use that knowledge to demonstrate their value.
As often mentioned, your team members are the experts in their processes. They know:
- What works
- Where the problems lie
- Time-wasting activities
- Potential improvements
- The frustrations of dealing with inefficient processes
A manager who employs active listening can identify which team members possess the knowledge needed for sound decision-making. By questioning and listening to their perspectives, the manager can make more informed choices.
And not just to look good in front of senior leadership.
A decision made with team input is much easier to implement because it won’t feel like a directive from an executive “ivory tower” but rather a decision aligned with the team’s reality. This approach fosters team buy-in.
Resolving Conflicts and Fostering Collaboration
Many conflicts arise from misunderstandings or a failure to grasp why someone acted in a way that upset us.
A person who remains calm and listens to each party’s perspective is far more likely to fully understand the situation and determine the best resolution.
Active listening allows individuals to explain, in a calm and safe environment, what is upsetting them. If trust has already been established, they may even reflect on their own mistakes and acknowledge behaviors that may have contributed to the escalation. This awareness becomes the foundation for finding solutions.
Active listening helps uncover the root causes of conflicts and enables swift intervention. If a decision effectively eliminates these root causes, it will be easier to implement and more readily accepted by all stakeholders.
A culture where conflicts are quickly resolved ensures a cooperative team atmosphere.
Encouraging Innovation and Creativity
Just as active listening enhances decision-making, it also fosters innovation and creativity within the team.
When employees feel confident and know they are genuinely heard by their leader, they are more comfortable exploring new possibilities to improve processes or solve problems.
Asking multiple open-ended questions in succession pushes people to think beyond their initial answers and analyze situations in greater depth. This often leads to new insights—moments when individuals realize their initial beliefs may not have been entirely correct and that alternative approaches, previously unnoticed, deserve exploration.
The takeaway: Focusing only on a single tree prevents you from seeing the entire forest.
Taking a step back, discussing situations openly, and answering thoughtful questions all contribute to innovation and creative problem-solving.
Leading by Example and Inspiring the Team
A leader’s ultimate goal is to create a positive culture where team members collaborate to achieve and exceed organizational objectives.
To accomplish this, a leader’s behavior must serve as a reference and example for everyone—not just occasionally, but consistently.
A leader who integrates active listening into their management style demonstrates the power of building honest, transparent relationships where open discussions on any topic are welcomed.
If every team member adopts this approach, it fosters a united team where collaboration, support, and engagement serve as the pillars of collective success.
As you can see, active listening is far more than just a communication skill.
It is a leadership philosophy that transforms how we collaborate, innovate, and solve problems.
By making this approach a daily habit, a leader doesn’t just hear their employees—they give them a voice, creating a space where they can express themselves and contribute fully to collective success.
Remember:
- Listening means understanding before responding.
- Attention and presence foster engagement and trust.
- A leader who knows how to listen inspires and unites their team.
As Confucius wisely said, learning to listen is a lifelong journey. But every step taken in this direction brings a leader closer to a stronger, more motivated, and higher-performing team.
Discover the 5 Must-Ask Questions for Happy Teams
Do you want to better understand what motivates your team members and could help you create a happy team? My practical guide, 5 Must-Ask Questions for Happy Teams, is designed to provide you with simple and effective tools to:
- Create a climate of trust within your team
- Identify the true needs and aspirations of your employees
- Encourage meaningful conversations that foster collaboration
- Boost engagement and collective performance
- Anticipate and resolve challenges before they become obstacles
Carl-Michael Tessier M. Sc., MBA
Coach in high-performance team development and tailor-made support
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